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Friday, February 7, 2014

FMK: Joss Whedon edition

This week's Friday fight revisits an old favorite for the PGTCC crew.  FMK: Fuck Marry, Kill: Joss Whedon edition.  Who would we hook up with, spend our lives with and push off a cliff in the Joss Whedon universe(s).  And, yep, it turns out Joss makes us all come across a little bit creepy.

Shaida:  I hope no one answers "Angel" in the F category. You do NOT want to shag that guy!
Shaida:  Also banned from the F category: Dolls. Right?
Pete: Eww. yeah, that's pretty bad. Would that mean android Buffy is out, too?
"Somebody LOVE me!!!"
Jason: Let me start with a disclaimer,
Pete: Oh, dear.
Jason: "This response is subject to change at any and all times!"  For eff... I'd have to go with Inara. Marry... shitballs... Marry... Damn. Well, we'll put a pin in that. Kill, Dollhouse, all of it. Burn the damn thing DOWN!
Pete: My K is a toss-up between Charles Gunn and Connor. There were a lot of guys to dislike towards the end of Angel.
Jason: It's really tough for kill, because if you give Joss enough time he'll do it for you!
Pete: Right? One could have a gross, all dead people edition. F -- Dead Cordy (since she's really just an angel or something), M -- Dead Fred (since you'd still have Illyria walking around in her shell) and K -- (twice) Darla, since well, she more or less died twice anyway.
Jason: Ohhhh what about Cabin In the Woods? Does that count?
Rosa:  Lol--Jason wants to eff a merman....
Jason: Hell yeah. Sexy ass... wait! DAMN IT!  ROSAAAAAAA!!!
Rosa:  Buffy edition: F = Spike, M = Xander, and K = Riley.  Although...marrying Giles would probably be fairly adventurous...
Pete: just don't ask Xander to drive you places.
Pete: I am curious if any man here is not going to say F Inara!
Jason: ... isn't that her intergalactic job?
"Not if your name is Jason ..."
Pete: And then she cut her hair and invaded earth—
Harry: forgot about Inara.
Manny: How could you forget about Inara?
Jason: I like the cut of your jib Rosa, good call. Buffy edition: F=Faith, M= Cordelia (cause we need 2 incomes in this economy) and K=... Riley
Scott: K is easy. Connor. Hands down. And it must be a painful way at that. I almost went Dawn with that, but I think Conner definitely beats her out in annoying-ness. F..... hmmmmm. I'm thinking the once Buffy B/F Riley would fit into that category nicely (have fun with it Rosa, I know you want to).
Pete: Haaate Connor!
Rosa:  Why must you bait me so, Scott?
Scott: The M though, well if dolls were allowed I'd totally be programing Victor into the perfect guy.
"I love sangria and Heroclix.  marry me, Scott!"

Scott:  If I must go the less creepy route then I'm leaning towards Paul from Dollhouse, though in all honesty I'll be pretending he's Helo the entire time.
Rosa:  ...and now I can't stop thinking about what you would be fitting in to Riley...
Shaida:  This is tough! So many characters are shag-able and kill-able in almost equal measure.
Jason: I agree with Shaida. Can we have a weird F then K category?
Rosa:  Wait...you want to F someone out of curiosity and then K them? Like F Warren right after he got skinned and then kill him?  That's even grosser than effing a merman, Jason.
Jason: I aim to please Rosa... I aim to please.

"YES, if your name is Jason!"
Jason: Although Rosa, you are the one who brought up skinning... I think we all agree that Rosa needs to tone the F and K down a little... this is not a leather dungeon Rosa!
Shaida:  I feel like that's maybe the genius of this category, too. No matter who you pick for F or M (less so for K), there's always a weirdness factor. Many choices seem delicious but a little wrong. Curse Joss and his nuanced characters!
Jason: Right!! Marry someone means a whole AIRPORT OF BAGGAGE that you have to live with no matter what character it is.
Rosa:  False--marrying Giles just means that you get to have sing-a-longs and role play with him as Ripper!
Pete: Speaking of Baggage, pretty much every character Eliza Dushku plays is lugging a trunk of it behind her. Even as a derpy doll, she managed to bring the baggage. I don't want to kill her, but ... yeesh! She is out for F or for M.
Jason: Mmmmm, I don't know about F with Faith... that sounds like a very fun (and probably scary) event.
Shaida:  Absolutely. I mean, obviously your first thought is to marry someone like Captain Mal, but then you think about what that would really *mean*. Also, I feel like this is so obvious that I haven't had to state it, but for me: F - Spike, M - Spike, K - Drusilla. I love Spike.
Pete: if you effed Dru... would you tell anyone? I ask myself …

No one has to know  ...
Shaida:  You wouldn't have to, you know she'd mention it at the worst possible time!
Rosa:  While the list continues to grow of people to F and M, I keep finding that my list of people to K has a high percentage of characters under the age of 15...kids are the worst!
Jason: Really... Mermen are the worst.
Scott: I agree. Kids are full of suck. I feel like the K needs to be expanded. I think there should be a torture then kill category. Because I'd definitely kill Dawn quickly, but Conner? I'm all for having some fun with him first, then killing him. And not fun in a sexual kind of way, thank you very much Rosa.
Rosa:  ...while I think you have a tendency towards the younger gents, Scott, I've never called you a pedophile! But seriously, you shouldn't have to rent cartoons to keep your boyfriends entertained...
Scott: I rent cartoons to keep me entertained. I can think of at least one that would've been totally confused by the cartoons. oye.
Pete: Serenity edition. K - Since the rules of same gender haven't changed, I assume, I say River because she's really scary and might just kill me if we're even just sitting, watching TV and the wrong commercial comes on. F - Inara, because you just can't make a companion a housewife. Especially if you live on a rickety old spaceship. Besides, for M - I will take even the one-episode sham marriage to Saffron (Christina Hendricks).
E-e-evil woman! 

Harry: Ok...my list really quick: Eff -  Kaylee (cuz she stays horny) Emmm - Zoe...just cuz... and ...KILL River...she is the creep girl who won't go away and kills all your friends.
Jason: M= Really I think I'm gonna go firm with Kayle. She seems the least permanently disturbed... for now anyway.
Harry: Dollhouse. I am killing all of them. They are all psycho whackjobs.
Pete: That's kind of how I feel about SHIELD right now. crash the plane!
Pete: Nobody for Lindsey, ladies?
Rosa:  That hair!
Harry: AoS -- F - Simmons...she is that innocent freak behind closed doors. Marry May - cuz ...it's security. Kill Skye by pushing her out the plane.

Pete: Throw Ward after her and he can shout "in English Please!" when you explain the physics of falling to him.
Harry: Amen
Jason: F- Skye... Kill the rest and go for drinks with Coulson (since he apparently can't die anyway).
Harry: still hard to believe that Ming-na Wen is 50
Pete: what!? *rushes to google*
Harry: yes just turned 50 in november
"I want my senior discount!"
Rosa:  Dr Horrible edition: M = Dr Horrible, F = the groupies (they do the weird stuff!), and K = Penny--she was doomed anyways!

Jason: F = Penny... Then let the whole thing play out and go for drinks with Dr. Horrible... so we can play "Haaaaave you met the Dr.?"
Rosa:  Is there an Asian equivalent to "black don't crack?"
Harry: Asian don't be phasin'?
Jason: I think it's just Ming-Na Wen
Harry: scary to think that Ming Wa is old enough to be Chloe Bennett's mama
Pete: Soooooo ... I'm sticking with my dead crew for Angel. But for Buffy ... hmm... I don't really like any of the ladies there.  But that Spike, now ...
Pete: Frosted tips! What whaaat!
Yep.  It's the hair, the ladies love...
Harry: hair only lasts so long
Pete: Unless you're a vampire
Jason: Oooooh...
Harry: there is that
Harry: so we are just killing everybody then?
Jason: Just keeping in line with the Whedon philosophy of character growth really.
Harry: well let's kill Whedon
Jason: Whoa Whoa Whoa!!! Not till the Avengers movies are over... not till then.
pete: Joss is writing our deaths as we speak.
Shaida:  Firefly - F: Jayne, M: Captain Tightpants, K: Simon. I'll be in my bunk...
I have a name!
Rosa:  My Firefly would be slightly different. F: Jayne (with or without the hat), M: Wash, K: EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE REAVERS WHO WERE IN THE SHIP THAT EVENTUALLY SPEARED WASH!
Pete: RIP, Wash.
Jason: Firefly - F: Inara or Saffron M: Kayle K: The Fox execs that thought they should cancel the show... or Saffron if she uses and steals everything I own... maybe she's not a good idea...
Pete: Jason, you always pick the wrong woman.
Manny: Firefly-- F Inara (cuz duh), M Kaylee (she's horny AND handy) K. Zoe (so she can be with Wash)

Jason: Ewwww... Manny!
Manny: Angel--F Darla (crazy sex is the best!) M Cordelia (I've always loved me some Cordelia) K Fred (that way Peter can have Dead Fred--happy birthday!)
Pete: You give the worst birthday presents.  Plus she's not dead, just ... replaced by a demigod.  Oh Joss Whedon ...!
Manny: Buffy--F Faith (crazy sex--M Buffy (she can kill vampires which means she can kill her own spiders and open her own jars) K Willow (sorry, somebody's got to take one for the team)
Pete: Ewww... Manny!
Manny: AoS--F May (ask Ward how mind blowing that angry sex has to be --have you spotted the trend yet?)  M Simmons (she's smart, sexy, and has a British accent) K Skye (she's annoying as hell)
Jason: But I feel like if you marry Simmons you have Fitz living with you as well... like little brother... or neglected love interest...
Pete: A whiny one!  "But I'm a nice guy.  I got friend-zoned."
Manny: He can do the tech support.
Pete: He can get my Buffy bot running again!

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