FMK: Joss Whedon edition

This week's Friday fight revisits an old favorite for the PGTCC crew.  FMK: Fuck Marry, Kill: Joss Whedon edition.  Who would we hook up with, spend our lives with and push off a cliff in the Joss Whedon universe(s).  And, yep, it turns out Joss makes us all come across a little bit creepy.

Shaida:  I hope no one answers "Angel" in the F category. You do NOT want to shag that guy!

Shaida:  Also banned from the F category: Dolls. Right?

Pete: Eww. yeah, that's pretty bad. Would that mean android Buffy is out, too?

"Somebody LOVE me!!!"

Jason: Let me start with a disclaimer,
Pete: Oh, dear.
Jason: "This response is subject to change at any and all times!"  For eff... I'd have to go with Inara. Marry... shitballs... Marry... Damn. Well, we'll put a pin in that. Kill, Dollhouse, all of it. Burn the damn thing DOWN!

Pete: My K is a toss-up between Charles Gunn and Connor. There were a lot of guys to dislike towards the end of Angel.

Jason: It's really tough for kill, because if you give Joss enough time he'll do it for you!

Pete: Right? One could have a gross, all dead people edition. F -- Dead Cordy (since she's really just an angel or something), M -- Dead Fred (since you'd still have Illyria walking around in her shell) and K -- (twice) Darla, since well, she more or less died twice anyway.

Jason: Ohhhh what about Cabin In the Woods? Does that count?

Rosa:  Lol--Jason wants to eff a merman....

Jason: Hell yeah. Sexy ass... wait! DAMN IT!  ROSAAAAAAA!!!

Rosa:  Buffy edition: F = Spike, M = Xander, and K = Riley.  Although...marrying Giles would probably be fairly adventurous...

Pete: just don't ask Xander to drive you places.

Pete: I am curious if any man here is not going to say F Inara!

Jason: ... isn't that her intergalactic job?

"Not if your name is Jason ..."

Pete: And then she cut her hair and invaded earth—

Harry: forgot about Inara.

Manny: How could you forget about Inara?

Jason: I like the cut of your jib Rosa, good call. Buffy edition: F=Faith, M= Cordelia (cause we need 2 incomes in this economy) and K=... Riley

Scott: K is easy. Connor. Hands down. And it must be a painful way at that. I almost went Dawn with that, but I think Conner definitely beats her out in annoying-ness. F..... hmmmmm. I'm thinking the once Buffy B/F Riley would fit into that category nicely (have fun with it Rosa, I know you want to).
Pete: Haaate Connor!

Rosa:  Why must you bait me so, Scott?

Scott: The M though, well if dolls were allowed I'd totally be programing Victor into the perfect guy.

"I love sangria and Heroclix.  marry me, Scott!"

Scott:  If I must go the less creepy route then I'm leaning towards Paul from Dollhouse, though in all honesty I'll be pretending he's Helo the entire time.

Rosa:  ...and now I can't stop thinking about what you would be fitting in to Riley...

Shaida:  This is tough! So many characters are shag-able and kill-able in almost equal measure.

Jason: I agree with Shaida. Can we have a weird F then K category?

Rosa:  Wait...you want to F someone out of curiosity and then K them? Like F Warren right after he got skinned and then kill him?  That's even grosser than effing a merman, Jason.

Jason: I aim to please Rosa... I aim to please.

"YES, if your name is Jason!"

Jason: Although Rosa, you are the one who brought up skinning... I think we all agree that Rosa needs to tone the F and K down a little... this is not a leather dungeon Rosa!

Shaida:  I feel like that's maybe the genius of this category, too. No matter who you pick for F or M (less so for K), there's always a weirdness factor. Many choices seem delicious but a little wrong. Curse Joss and his nuanced characters!

Jason: Right!! Marry someone means a whole AIRPORT OF BAGGAGE that you have to live with no matter what character it is.

Rosa:  False--marrying Giles just means that you get to have sing-a-longs and role play with him as Ripper!

Pete: Speaking of Baggage, pretty much every character Eliza Dushku plays is lugging a trunk of it behind her. Even as a derpy doll, she managed to bring the baggage. I don't want to kill her, but ... yeesh! She is out for F or for M.

Jason: Mmmmm, I don't know about F with Faith... that sounds like a very fun (and probably scary) event.

Shaida:  Absolutely. I mean, obviously your first thought is to marry someone like Captain Mal, but then you think about what that would really *mean*. Also, I feel like this is so obvious that I haven't had to state it, but for me: F - Spike, M - Spike, K - Drusilla. I love Spike.

Pete: if you effed Dru... would you tell anyone? I ask myself …



No one has to know  ...

Shaida:  You wouldn't have to, you know she'd mention it at the worst possible time!

Rosa:  While the list continues to grow of people to F and M, I keep finding that my list of people to K has a high percentage of characters under the age of 15...kids are the worst!

Jason: Really... Mermen are the worst.

Scott: I agree. Kids are full of suck. I feel like the K needs to be expanded. I think there should be a torture then kill category. Because I'd definitely kill Dawn quickly, but Conner? I'm all for having some fun with him first, then killing him. And not fun in a sexual kind of way, thank you very much Rosa.

Rosa:  ...while I think you have a tendency towards the younger gents, Scott, I've never called you a pedophile! But seriously, you shouldn't have to rent cartoons to keep your boyfriends entertained...

Scott: I rent cartoons to keep me entertained. I can think of at least one that would've been totally confused by the cartoons. oye.

Pete: Serenity edition. K - Since the rules of same gender haven't changed, I assume, I say River because she's really scary and might just kill me if we're even just sitting, watching TV and the wrong commercial comes on. F - Inara, because you just can't make a companion a housewife. Especially if you live on a rickety old spaceship. Besides, for M - I will take even the one-episode sham marriage to Saffron (Christina Hendricks).

E-e-evil woman! 

Harry: Ok...my list really quick: Eff -  Kaylee (cuz she stays horny) Emmm - Zoe...just cuz... and ...KILL River...she is the creep girl who won't go away and kills all your friends.
Jason: M= Really I think I'm gonna go firm with Kayle. She seems the least permanently disturbed... for now anyway.

Harry: Dollhouse. I am killing all of them. They are all psycho whackjobs.

Pete: That's kind of how I feel about SHIELD right now. crash the plane!

Pete: Nobody for Lindsey, ladies?

Boom!

Rosa:  That hair!

Harry: AoS -- F - Simmons...she is that innocent freak behind closed doors. Marry May - cuz ...it's security. Kill Skye by pushing her out the plane.



Pete: Throw Ward after her and he can shout "in English Please!" when you explain the physics of falling to him.

Harry: Amen

Jason: F- Skye... Kill the rest and go for drinks with Coulson (since he apparently can't die anyway).

Harry: still hard to believe that Ming-na Wen is 50

Pete: what!? *rushes to google*
Harry: yes just turned 50 in november

"I want my senior discount!"

Rosa:  Dr Horrible edition: M = Dr Horrible, F = the groupies (they do the weird stuff!), and K = Penny--she was doomed anyways!



Jason: F = Penny... Then let the whole thing play out and go for drinks with Dr. Horrible... so we can play "Haaaaave you met the Dr.?"

Rosa:  Is there an Asian equivalent to "black don't crack?"

Harry: Asian don't be phasin'?

Jason: I think it's just Ming-Na Wen

Harry: scary to think that Ming Wa is old enough to be Chloe Bennett's mama

Pete: Soooooo ... I'm sticking with my dead crew for Angel. But for Buffy ... hmm... I don't really like any of the ladies there.  But that Spike, now ...

Pete: Frosted tips! What whaaat!

Yep.  It's the hair, the ladies love...

Harry: hair only lasts so long

Pete: Unless you're a vampire

Jason: Oooooh...

Harry: there is that

Harry: so we are just killing everybody then?

Jason: Just keeping in line with the Whedon philosophy of character growth really.

Harry: well let's kill Whedon

Jason: Whoa Whoa Whoa!!! Not till the Avengers movies are over... not till then.
pete: Joss is writing our deaths as we speak.

Shaida:  Firefly - F: Jayne, M: Captain Tightpants, K: Simon. I'll be in my bunk...

I have a name!

Rosa:  My Firefly would be slightly different. F: Jayne (with or without the hat), M: Wash, K: EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE REAVERS WHO WERE IN THE SHIP THAT EVENTUALLY SPEARED WASH!
Pete: RIP, Wash.

Jason: Firefly - F: Inara or Saffron M: Kayle K: The Fox execs that thought they should cancel the show... or Saffron if she uses and steals everything I own... maybe she's not a good idea...

Pete: Jason, you always pick the wrong woman.

Manny: Firefly-- F Inara (cuz duh), M Kaylee (she's horny AND handy) K. Zoe (so she can be with Wash)



Jason: Ewwww... Manny!
Manny: Angel--F Darla (crazy sex is the best!) M Cordelia (I've always loved me some Cordelia) K Fred (that way Peter can have Dead Fred--happy birthday!)
Pete: You give the worst birthday presents.  Plus she's not dead, just ... replaced by a demigod.  Oh Joss Whedon ...!

Manny: Buffy--F Faith (crazy sex--M Buffy (she can kill vampires which means she can kill her own spiders and open her own jars) K Willow (sorry, somebody's got to take one for the team)
Pete: Ewww... Manny!

Manny: AoS--F May (ask Ward how mind blowing that angry sex has to be --have you spotted the trend yet?)  M Simmons (she's smart, sexy, and has a British accent) K Skye (she's annoying as hell)

Jason: But I feel like if you marry Simmons you have Fitz living with you as well... like little brother... or neglected love interest...
Pete: A whiny one!  "But I'm a nice guy.  I got friend-zoned."

Manny: He can do the tech support.

Pete: He can get my Buffy bot running again!

Friday Fights: Good Morning Angels...

Our Friday Fight topic comes from Scott.  Here is the idea. You are Charlie. Put together your team of Angels. Choose anyone from all of geekdom. Pick three main angels. One back up angel, and maybe even a Bosley."  Bonus points for characters with a theme. Scott picks the winner. 

Pete: I feel that those of you unencumbered by geek fanboy lust will have much more practical teams than the inevitable guy who picks Slave outfit Leia three times
Scott: Well I guess Pete just gave away his team.  Bad Pete.   As much fun as my team of all Angelina Jolie characters would be, I'm definitely putting more effort/thought into my team. 


Done!

Pete: Scott, this makes me think of a team of all Slayers... 
Scott: Yeah I thought of a team of all Slayers too. Who didn't love Kendra? Though you know Faith is going to be a given for me, right?
Rosa: Wait, "Who didn't love Kendra?" Whether this was a sarcastic statement or not, I'm calling you on it. "Ya man, da ting aboout dat would be de confusion over wheder she be Jamaican or Irish." At the risk of this becoming more racist on my part, I will move on. 
Scott: My dear Rosa, who the hell cares what she sounds like? She looked fantastic! 
Rosa: I don't think Kendra ever looked that fantastic...and (spoiler alert!) she wasn't that great at fighting in the end.
Scott: Kendra was fine at fighting, just not so good against Drusilla's vampire voodoo.
Shaida: Kendra is just too sad to make fun of. Her purpose was to highlight Buffy's specialness, pave the way for Faith to arrive, and create some pathos by killing someone off in the days when Joss's career was unstable enough that he couldn't kill a main character. That said, such a sad, doomed character seems a poor choice for a sassy angel. A season 7 slayerette would be more appropriate. Better: doppelganger Buffy. Best: 80s slayer (principal wood's mom, who Spike kills on the subway).


Poor Kendra.  Hot, hot Kendra...

Pete: Arcee from Transformers counts, i hope. That's a lady, right there. 
Scott: And transportation! 
Pete: exactly
Stephanie:  My Bosley is DEFINITELY Bill Murray...any incarnation (except Caddyshack), although of course I'd prefer Steve Z. Do the angels have to be ladies? 
Scott: Yes. I'm stipulating now that the Angels must be chicks. But i'm opening up Bosley to be whatever gender suits you. 
 Rosa:  Lol...Stephanie wants Steve Zahn to be her Bosley. <insert Pete's Steve Zahn impression> 
Pete: "Holy Crayaap" ... no, that's my Owen Wilson... damnit. 
Stephanie:  Steve ZISSOU, not Zahn you guys. I was talking about Bill Murray characters...
Rosa:  I think Steve Zahn would be great in a Bill Murray biopic...
Pete: Does Steve Zissou count? I mean, i know movie hipst--"geeks" would say yes, but, if so then can I make my Bosley one of the guys from Sideways, then? Or ... how about The Dude!  
Stephanie:  Alright, fine. No Steve Zissou. Is Ghostbusters the only geeky Bill Murray we'll accept? 
Pete: Ghostbusters 2?
Jason: Come on guys!!! Lets get creative. My instant new team is team snark, Zoe (from Fan Boys), Elle Bishop (Heroes), and finally (in case you haven't gotten the theme) Veronica Mars. And just for fun my Bosley is Peter Bretter! I can do this all day... But i really like this team.
Stephanie: Jason, how about Britta, from Community for your Team Snark alternate?
Pete: ^No, J.  Not everyone got the theme...


Yeah, Jason.  What's your theme?

Tell us ...

I'll figure it out...

Jason: Hmmmm... Ok, for reals.  I will start with the obvious, Zoe from Firefly, Movie Black Widow and Faith (Angel version). Bosley would be Giles.
Stephanie: Jason, I like that you picked Zoe, but I think River would be MUCH more kick-ass, so River is first. Then, speaking of kick-ass, I'll take Chloe Moretz's Hit Girl. Last, but certainly not least, would be Echo from Dollhouse.  And speaking of Dollhouse, Fran Kranz would make an awesome Bosley... 
Pete: Ooh, I like the Joss-verse theme.
Stephanie:  In that case, I take River, Zoe and Echo, with Fran Kranz as Bosley. 
Pete: Damnit, Steph. coming out with the Dollhouse stuff. Was not expecting that. Echo is solid!
Mike:  My Whedon team: Buffy (BtVS), River (Firefly), Echo (Dollhouse). Back up Illyria/Blue Fred (Angel). Bosley: Moist (Dr. Horrible)
Joe: Faith, Willow, and Anya (with her powers). Kendra would be the backup angel, and Buffy can be Bosley, for a themed pick. 
 Pete: I wanted my brains Angel to be Fred from Angel. But she was severely lacking in the badass dept. Until she got her soul nom-nom-ed on by Illyria. 
 Rosa:  I also think Fran Kranz would be, let's say...an unhealthy Bosley. Mostly because of his neurotic tendencies, power plays, and--based on his Cabin in the Woods character--a huuuuuge stoner! That would be like making Shaggy your Bosley (Zoiks!). Or Steve Zahn...
 Pete: My Joss Team: One from each. Fred from Angel (brains), Buffy from Buffy (brawn), Zoe from Firefly (boss) and backup angel Maurissa Tancharoen (one of the "we do the weird stuff" groupies) from Dr. Horrible. Bosley is Boyd (Harry Lennix) from Dollhouse.

Stephanie: Harry Potter theme: Hermione, Luna and Ginny. McGongall is Bosley. 
Jason: Ooorrrr, i could do Ripley, Gwen Demarco, and the Director. My Bosley here would be Tech Sgt Chen (played as Monk). 
Scott: You know i'm going to end up with multiple teams. Here's my first run. I'm trying to stick with real flesh and blood characters, though I may make an all comic book team eventually. Faith, Sydney Bristow (Alias), Alice (Resident Evil moves, before she lost her TK powers), the backup is Nikita (that's the current Maggie Q version) and Bosley would be Jack Bauer from 24. 
Shane: I was thinking of Maggie Q and Sydney Bristow too. Back to the drawing board.
Stephanie: Scott, I like your team except for Jack Bauer. Ew.
Scott: Jack Bauer kicks ass, I dont want some tool that fumbles and jokes around. I want a guy that is able to back the Angels up when he's needed most.

"Who's laughing now!"

Stephanie: Nerdy theme: Hermione, Velma and Kavita Rao. Bosley is...Neville Longbottom. >>

Stephanie:  We should have all the teams in a bracket, and play them against each other. Last team standing wins. Since Scott is in charge, he says who wins each pairing, and why - completely arbirtrary and creative reasons, one would hope. 
Scott: My scifi space team would be Starbuck, Leeloo, Jadzia Dax, back up is Teyla from Stargate Atlantis and Bosley would be John Crichton. 
Pete: Leeloo!  Shit!
Shaida: Space: Leeloo, Ripley, Aeryn Sun. Special Powers: Bo (Lost Girl), River Song (Doctor Who), Willow.

Marcus:  Leader/brawn - Sigourney Weaver (Alien), Brains/sexy - Zoe Saldana (Uhura, Star Trek), Adorable/comedy relief - Felicia Day (The Guild), Bosley - Mike Nelson (MST3K), ALTERNATE ANGEL - Billie Piper (Doctor Who) (MY THEME....IS A COMPLETE LACK OF THEME.) 
Stephanie: Marcus - I love your team, but if I was going to pick a companion, it would be Clara instead of Rose!
Marcus: I originally wanted Sam Elliot as Bosley, but couldn't find a role geeky enough to qualify him.
Shaida: Now I'm thinking about actresses that play so many sci-fi/action characters that they could make up entire teams of angels (Lena Headey, Milla Jovovich, Kate Beckinsale). Lena's angels would be mostly evil (I'm thinking of Cersei and her character from Dredd), and Kate's would be hot but lame. Leeloo, Alice, and Ultraviolet, though, pretty awesome.
 Scott: Yes I thought of doing all one character with Angelina Jolie. Tomb Raider Chick. Salt chick. Wanted Chick. Mr and mrs smith chick. No clue on Bosley though.
Pete: Scott, we said Bosley could he her Hackers character.
Scott: Oh that's right! Good call.
Joe:  Or just Phoenix, Dark Phoenix, Jean Grey. The end! *cackle* 

"There's like eight more of us ..."

Emanuel:  T'Pol, Samus, and Power Girl--cuz you know, boob theme! Backup Angel would be #6. Bosley would be Michael Westen from Burn Notice. 

Shaida:  Animated: Turanga Leela, Lana Kane, and She-ra.
Pete: Leela! Shit!
Shaida: Video Game: Captain Shepard (Mass Effect, female version obvioisly), Chell (Portal), Big Sister (Bioshock, for a dose of terror from the angels). Warriors only: Xena, Brienne of Tarth, Sarah Walker (from Chuck, for smarts and fighting skills) 
Pete: These lists make me hate myself for not coming up with these.
Shaida: I unleashed my inner fanboy for you, Pete! 
Pete: it worked. Sarah Walker even?!  well done.
Rosa:  Shaida also took my animated theme idea! But my characters would be totally different: The Unicorn (from The Last Unicorn because...magic?), Sen (from Spirited Away because...also magic), and Penny (from Inspector Gadget--for obvious reasons). All three of these characters already have a male counterpart that helps them along the way, which is often totally unnecessary (except for Sen, because she's a child...and not a savvy child like Penny), so I'm going to pick a female Bosley and go with Malory Archer. 
Rosa: I like the Sarah Walker reference, Shaida, but I'm not sure how well she would fit in with the barbarian-esque Xena and Knighted Brienne. I see potential for comedy when Sarah tries to discuss modern things with them, but wouldn't someone like Red Sonja be a better fit (she banged Conan the Barbarian...that's boss)?
Pete: Rosa, how can you have a unicorn!?
Manny: Cuz, magic.  You have a car.
Pete: A lady car.

"I'm a killer!"

Rosa: ...wait. After giving it more thought, I'm axing Sen for being a screechy child and replacing her with Louise from Bob's Burgers. Brains, mischief, manipulation skills, and a sassy hat.
Scott:  From that craptastic Bob's Burgers cartoon? How exactly does that even fit anyways?
Rosa:  Louise is not just some character from Bob's Burgers--she's an incredibly sly, witty, and unpredictable. A "wildcard" if you will. Every team's gotta have a wild card. 
Shaida: I was actually considering Vasquez from Aliens, but I just really like Sarah Walker and would like to see her and Xena on the same team, quipping and kicking ass. I do feel bad for poor, hulky Brienne on that team, but maybe she and Xena would become "best friends" by the end. 

Shaida:  I was also thinking about Sarah Connor or Katniss, but I couldn't think of a whole team to put them on, so...up for grabs! 
Pete: Vasquez!  Shittt! 
Stephanie: Shaida, throw Katniss and Sarah Connor on a team with Michonne, and you can have a post-apocalypse-on-Earh team. Who would be Bosley in a post-apocolyptic world, tho?  Oh, I know!! Morpheus, if Matrix counts as post-apocalyptic... 
Pete: yes 
Shaida: Stephanie, I am kicking myself for not having a post-apocalypse team, and that's a great combo! For some reason, I'm stuck on Aunty Entity for the apocalypse angels' Bosley.
Marcus: Post Apoc. Bosley would be The Red Queen (Security program from Resident Evil) Pick any 3 angels from the movies as long as Ali Larter is one of them.

Joe: For a non-themed pick: Aeryn Sun (Farscape), Faith (Buffy), and Psylocke.

Scott: Then there is my mostly old school team. Jaime Sommers, the original bionic woman. Colonel Wilma Deering from Buck Rogers. Dee Dee McCall from Hunter(seriously how many times did she get raped or shot on that show?). Sarah Conners for backup and MacGuyver for Bosley. 
Scott: Also keep in mind I'm judging this. Know your audience. So far Rosa is losing horribly. 

Pete: DC Comics team, Wonder Woman (brawn and beauty) Power Girl (brawn and ... busty...), Catwoman (The wild card), Extra: Zatanna (as Rosa said, cuz magic and stuff) and Bosley would be the Oracle (batgirl), because she is a genuis/hacker extraordinare! 

Pete: Marvel Team: She Hulk (pow pow!), Rescue (pew pew), Black Widow (wiggle wiggle) Alternate would be Dazzler (to suck up to Scott) and Bosley: Kitty Pride (meow, meow) 
Shaida:  Scott, I like it, but you can't declare yourself the winner, right? 
Scott: Damn, didn't I say in the first post that I'd already won? 
Rosa:  I have to go with my heart, Scott. My picks are my team in my universe, and I can't bring myself to be a suck-up just for approval. *coughJoecough* 
Pete: Weekday Afternoon 80s Team: Steelheart from the Silverhawks (brawn), Cheetara from Thundercats (speed), Scarlett from GI Joe (whoopassery) and alternate/vehicle Arcee from Transformers. Bosley would be April O'Neal from the Ninja Turtles. 
Shaida:  Well, if the winner is predetermined, then I can stop stealing Pete's ideas just to mess with him. 
Rosa:  Drag edition: Patrick Swayze (To Wong Fu) because he can fight AND dance, Hugo Weaving (Priscilla, Queen of the Desert) because anyone who can survive in Australia is clearly a badass (also--elf magic!), and Dustin Hoffman (Tootsie) for his Rainman smarts. Julie Andrews (Victor/Victoria) is naturally Bosley in this scenario. 

Pete: My ultimate team would simply annoy the enemy to death. And would consist of Jubilee, Rhianna's character in Battleship, Carol from Walking Dead and a screaming Dakota Fanning from the War of the Worlds Movie as an alternate/movie ruiner and Bosley will be Anakin Sywalker. 
Shane:  Mutant team: Charles Xavier as Charlie, Puck (alpha flight) as Bosley, Stepford cuckoos as the angels.
Scott: But Puck isnt a mutant! 
Marcus:  Futurama Team. Bosley - Bender, Leader/brawn - Crushinator, Brains/sexy - Angleen, Adorable/comedy relief - Planet Express Ship (with the female cpu), Alternate - The Suicide Booth.` 
Pete: ... 
Scott: ...
Joe: ... 
Marcus:  WHAT?!?!? Was it the Crushinator? I like a full figured robot. Don't judge me! 

"i don't think you're ready for this jelly!"

Pete: Thanks to Shane and Scott, i just researched Puck.  I'll never get those minutes back. He's like a human gummy bear.
Scott: Yeah Puck has never been on my top ten list for anything. He isnt even worth being on the top 10 disliked characters list. Though Jubliee is!
Shane:  I've always had a thing for Alpha Flight and I think this brash dwarf paired with three kickass crime fighting female skullkickers is great juxtaposition.
Stephanie:  I've always had a thing for Shane Bowler. And I put Pete: on my annoying list. And Scott's not on my top ten for anything...
Scott: huh. well ok then. 
Pete: Stephanie ... i think your teams lost.

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